Date for Daddy
by esotaria
Summary: Written for BleachFicRequest community on livejournal. The request was for an IshidaIsshin fic. This....is the crack. Rated for Ichigo's occasional potty mouth.


Date for Daddy

By Katie

Disclaimer: These poor, butchered characters belong to Tite Kubo. Timchell, this probably isn't exactly what you were looking for, but I hope you enjoy nonetheless!

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"Tell me why I'm coming over again."

Ichigo rolled his eyes.

"Because we're working on a school project," he said tersely.

Ishida was not impressed.

"We could easily have done our parts separately," he said. "Or together at school. There is no real need for me to go to your house."

Ichigo sighed and ran his hands through his hair.

"Fine," he growled. "Yuzu wanted to meet you."

"Yuzu?" Ishida blinked.

"My little sister," Ichigo said. "You sewed some pretty clothes for a friend of hers' doll and Yuzu absolutely adored it. When she found out I knew you, she insisted I bring you over. Probably wants some of her dolls to have pretty clothes too."

"Lovely." Ishida sounded anything but moved, setting off Ichigo's older brother instincts.

"Oi!" he snapped, grabbing Ishida's collar, "if Yuzu wants you to sew something, you're gonna fucking sew something! You make her sad and I'll punch your fucking ass into next Tuesday!"

"Duly noted, Kurosaki," Ishida said calmly. "Is this your house?"

Ichigo let out an angry puff of air and released the Quincy. "Yeah. Let's go in." They walked to the front door and Ichigo was just about to turn the knob when the door burst open.

"GOOOOOOOOOD EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVNIIIIIIIIIING, IIIIIICHIIIIIGOOOOO!"

"GACK!" Ichigo and Ishida yelped in tandem, jumping back.

Isshin posed in the doorframe, his frilly, bright-purple suited figure framed dramatically by the indoor lights. In his hand he had a rose, which he held up to his nose shoujo-hero style. He completely ignored Yuzu's frantic cries of: "IS ISHIDA-SAN THERE?"

"Ichigo," he said, "you are just on time. Come!" He grabbed Ichigo's hand. "I have reservations at the Chateau le Couin-Couin!"

Ichigo blinked and pointed mutely at an equally shocked Ishida.

"Ara?" Isshin broke his pose to stare at Ishida. "Ichigo, who is this?"

"It's Ishida-san!" Yuzu cried, squirming under her father.

"Ishida?" Isshin looked suspiciously at Ichigo. "Son, is there anything you want to tell me?"

"Huh?"

Isshin leaned forward and spoke in a stage whisper.

"Should I not be expecting grandchildren?"

It took a moment for this to sink in, then:

"_WHAT_? _NO! I'M NOT FUCKING GAY!" _ Ichigo roared, slamming his fist on his father's head. Ishida appeared to be in a state of shock; not even being friends with Inoue had prepared him for this.

"Maaa, well, that's a relief!" Isshin abruptly stopped rubbing his bruised head and once again grabbed Ichigo's hand. "Let us go, Ichigo, to the magnificent French feast that awaits us!"

"Dad, I've got a GUEST!" Ichigo protested.

"Yuzu and Karin can take care of him," Isshin said airily. Yuzu nodded in energetic agreement.

"Dad," Ichigo growled, "I'm not going to dinner with you."

Isshin let go of Ichigo's hand, his eyes growing large and tearful.

"But...the reservations!" he protested.

"NO, NO, AND NO AGAIN!" Ichigo snapped.

Isshin sniffed, and then abruptly turned to the still shocked Ishida.

"You!" he said.

"Y-yes?" Ishida stammered.

"Your clothes! They are stunning!" Isshin grabbed the teenager, inspecting the outfit. "The stitchwork! The fabric! So simple and yet so elegant!"

Ishida blushed slightly and pushed his glasses up his nose with embarrassed pleasure.

"T-thank you," he said. "I took it upon myself to make some subtle improvements to the usual uniform design."

"It's genius!" Isshin proclaimed. "You may not realize it," he continued, gesturing to his own outfit, "but I'm a connoisseur of fashion myself. Design my own clothes."

Ishida nodded.

"Your choice of decor is...flamboyant," the teenager said, warming to the subject, "but I noticed that stitches and overall design appeared professionally done. You sewed them yourself?"

"Of course! Sewing is an important skill for a medical professional!" Isshin laughed, then swooped down and grabbed both of Ishida's hands in his. "Would _you_ care to join me for dinner?"

"What?" Ishida stammered. "But-"

"I would love to discuss sewing tips and secrets with you," Isshin continued. "I have some absolutely _stunning _patterns that I've been _longing_ to share with someone who would _understand_ their _beauty_." He sent a pointed look Ichigo's way. Ichigo just snorted derisively.

"I...I would love to join you, Kurosaki-san."

Ichigo's jaw dropped.

"WHAT?" he yelped.

"DADDY!" Yuzu wailed.

"EXCELLENT!" Isshin grabbed Ishida and pointed forward dramatically. "No time to waste! On to Chateu le Couin-Couin!"

"Bu-bu-" Ichigo was in complete shock.

"Your chance has passed, my boy!" Isshin said. "Take good care of your sisters!" And he marched off with Ishida in tow, babbling incomprehensibly about cuffs and waistcoats.

Ichigo and Yuzu gaped after them.

"I don't know what's more creepy..." Ichigo said at length. "That he's going out with Ishida, or that he wanted to go out with _me._" He paused, and then added with a shudder. "Or that Ishida said_ yes_."

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The End


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